I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Redeem this text for a blowjob
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
