hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
