Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
