dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
