did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
