I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
