i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
