i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Come on in and take your pants off
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