yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
