You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
