Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
