why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I could fuck to npr.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
