we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
