He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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