Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
