I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
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Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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