The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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