I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
