How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
