Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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