my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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