He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
