just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
