turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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