I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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