We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
