Got a toothbrush?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
