so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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