The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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