I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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