i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
