i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
