i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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