last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we're making bets on your personal life
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
