I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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