For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
