Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i barfeds in our rink
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
