Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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