Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
