Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
