i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
