Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I wish you could order shots online.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
