pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
