why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
