This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
