you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
