The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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