i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
