If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
