What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Two words: nipple clamps
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
