Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
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it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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