I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
