just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
