rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Those nachos came to me in a dream
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
