brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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