Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
