I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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