Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
