he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
