i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
40s are totally the cure
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
