i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
